Communicating with Respect

Some of our friends have been very interested in our "Communicating with Respect" chart we have up in our house, so we thought we would share it with the rest of you:

Communicating with Respect

1. Deal with fixing feelings first then problems
2. Listen to what the other person is saying
3. Listen for understanding
4. Do not interrupt
5. Clarify - ask questions to be sure you understand the other person's point of view
6. Deal with facts and truth
7. Don't assume (eg. why someone said something or what they meant: see #5)
8. Respond appropriately to the other person before going on with your own thoughts
9. Answer questions before going on with your own thoughts
10. Identify problem or issue
11. Persons are not the problem, separate the issue/behavior from the persons
12. Do not accuse (see #10)
13. Do not automatically discount what the other person is saying (see #5)
14. Identify the Gospel principles involved
15. What would Jesus want us to do?
16. Remember the eternal perspective
17. Take 10 minute time out when needed to pray and calm down
18. Always remember we love each other

This is how this list came about: From even before we were married, we would share Ensign articles/church manual chapters, etc about marriage, blending families, etc with eachother, and discuss the ideas we felt would help us to be most successful. After we were married, we would remind eachother of the ideas we had discussed, and tried to use them better each time we had "issues". And we continued to study and discuss what worked best for us, etc. Well, of course we were far from perfect at first, but after a time, we ended up with a set of rules that works really well for us. A few months ago, Bill decided to write them down as a Family Home Evening activity, and the result is what you see here. We leave a copy posted in our home, so that we can remember what we both have promised to do. And it is kind of fun to run in to read it, come back and say, "Wait, we forgot to do #10---let's do that!" or some such thing. A couple of couples we know have loved the idea and are working on their own lists. Do you have a list that works well for you? If you want to share, we'd love to read it.

One reason we chose to post this is, a couple of family members have asked what it would be like if they wanted to talk about some "issues". We decided it would be good to share what the rules are in our home, and ask all to use these same rules when communicating with us, whether the subject is delicate or not. And to let all know that we believe communication, when done with respect, can build families and relationships.

So, now that we are of an age where our wisdom is supposed to be passed on, never let it be said we didn't do our duty in that regard!!! We love you all!